


shipper!Sam-I-Am

by poD7et



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Craft Store, Dr. Seuss - Freeform, Green Eggs and Ham, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, M/M, token mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6556918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poD7et/pseuds/poD7et
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Do you like</i>
  <br/>
  <i>that Castiel?</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I do not like him,<br/>Sam, pray tell,<br/>Why would I like<br/>that Castiel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	shipper!Sam-I-Am

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give a super shout out to [relucant](relucant.tumblr.com) for being the inspiration for this atrocity.

_I am Sam  
Sam I am_

That Sam-I-am!  
That Sam-I-am!  
I do not like  
that Sam-I-am!

_Do you like  
that Castiel?_

I do not like him,  
Sam, pray tell,  
Why would I like  
that Castiel?

_Would you like him  
here or there?_

I would not like him  
here or there.  
I would not like him  
Anywhere.  
I do not like  
that Castiel  
in Purgatory,  
Heaven, or Hell.

 _Would you like him_  
_in the bunker?_  
_Would you like him_  
_o’er Baby’s bumper?_

I do not like him  
in the bunker.  
I do not want him  
o’er Baby’s bumper.  
I do not like him  
here or there.  
I do not like him  
anywhere.

I do not like that Castiel.  
I do not like him all that well.

 _Would you eat his_  
_ass in private?_  
_Would you prefer_  
 _if I espied it?_

Not in private.  
Not if you espied it.  
Not in the bunker.  
Nor o’er Baby’s bumper.  
I do not like him here or there.  
I do not like him anywhere.  
I do not like that Castiel.  
I do not like him. GO TO HELL!

 _Would you? Could you?_  
_In a bar?_  
_That’s seems to be_  
_your M.O so far._

I would not,  
could not,  
in a bar.

 _You may like him._  
_You will see._  
_You may like him_  
_more than me!_

I would not, could not more than you.  
Not in a bar! That’s just not true.  
I do not like when we're in private.  
I do not like if you espied it.  
I do not like him in the bunker  
I do not want him o’er Baby’s bumper.  
I do not like him here or there.  
I do not like him anywhere.  
I do not like that Castiel.  
Why would I like that damned angel?

 _A dream! A dream!_  
_A dream! A dream!_  
_Could you, would you_  
_in a dream?_

Not in a dream! Not more than you!  
Not in a bar! Sam! That’s not true!  
I would not, could not, do it in private.  
I could not, would not, if you espied it.  
I do not want him o’er Baby’s bumper.  
I do not like him in the bunker.  
I do not like him here or there.  
I do not like him anywhere.  
I do not like that Castiel.  
I would not even under a love spell.

 _Say!_  
_With Balthazar?_  
_Do Cas, as well as Balthazar!?_  
_Would you, could you, go so far?_

I would not, could not,  
with Balthazar.

_Would you, could you,  
be that obscene?_

I would not, could not, be that obscene.  
Not with Balthazar. Not in a dream,  
Not in a bar where booze is free.  
‘Cause I don’t like him, Sam, you see?  
Not in the bunker. Not in private.  
Not o’er Baby’s bumper. Not if you espied it.  
I do not like him here or there.  
I do not like him anywhere!

_You do not like  
that Castiel?_

I do not  
like him,  
at all. Oh well.

_Could you, would you,  
eat his ass?_

I would not,  
could not  
eat his ass!

_Would you, could you,  
get with Cas?_

I could not, would not, get with Cas.  
I will not, will not, eat his ass.  
I will not eat him, that’s obscene.  
I will not eat him in a dream.  
Not with Balthazar! Not more than you!  
Not in a bar! I’m beggin you!  
I will not eat him out in private.  
I will not eat him if you espy it.  
I do not like him in the bunker.  
I do not like him o’er Baby’s bumper.  
I do not like him here or there.  
I do not like him ANYWHERE!

I do not like  
that Castiel

I do not like him,  
Sam. OH WELL!

 _You do not like him._  
_So you say._  
_Fuck him! Fuck him!_  
_And you may._  
_Fuck him and you may I say._

Sam!  
If you will let me be,  
I will fuck him.  
You will see . . .

Say!  
I like to fuck that Castiel!  
And I like when he fucks me as well!  
And I would love to sleep with Cas!  
And I would let him eat my ass . . .

And I would be so damn obscene.  
With Balthazar. And in a dream.  
And in a car. Now, that’s a scene.  
It would be so good, so good, you see!

So I will eat him out in private.  
And I will eat him while you espy it.  
And I will love him in the bunker.  
And I will love him o’er Baby’s bumper.  
And I will sex him here and there.  
Say! I will sex him ANYWHERE!

I do so like  
this Castiel!  
Thank you!  
Thank you,  
Sam Winch----

\--*-----

FUCK. pod7et was doing some of her own espying and it was of a beam of light bobbing her way. She began to gather as much evidence as possible when she was suddenly caught very much so like a deer in headlights.

“Who’s there?”

_SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK_

“I said, ‘Who’s there?’” the voice repeated.

pod7et stood up slowly as scissors, adhesive, stickers, and waaaay too many skeins of yarn fell to the floor. She clutched a book possessively to her chest.

“I can . . .” she said, “I can expla--”

“Is that . . .?”

 _Dammit dammit dammit. He saw the cocks. He saw my gay porn manip stash. Fuck. Now he’s going to think I’m a thief_ and _a perv. Well, I guess at least half of that is true. Fuck. It’s all true. Dammit. Well, I wouldn’t have to raid the craft store at night if my job paid me a decent wage. And off the topic, I’m so getting busted and being sent to jail. And I’m pretty sure that they don’t let you use tumblr in jail and I am so fucking screw. SHIT!_

“. . . a Destiel manip?”

“. . .”

“. . .”

“. . . yes?” pod7et affirmed hoping that was the right move.

“Oh shit! Oh Chuck! Dude, do you see the last episode?”

pod7et let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Oh, _did_ I? I liveblogged the shit outta that episode. Do you think that Destiel is going to be canon this season?”

“Oh, I hope so! And Cas! There is never enough Cas!”

And they lived happily ever after.

The end.

Or something.

**Author's Note:**

> And of course this is a [coldesthits](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/SPNColdestHits/works).
> 
> How could it not be?


End file.
